When I was a little girl my parents told me I was going to live forever. They weren't lying to me or telling me a fairy story. In fact they believed they were telling me the "Truth."
My parents were Jehovah's Witnesses and they raised me to be a Jehovah's Witness. By the time my hormones kicked in, however, I realized I could never be a Witness. I knew I would have to risk the wrath of the vengeful God, 'Jehovah,' so that I could enjoy my lustful teenage years. I left the Witnesses, and as a result my later years were drastically different from those of my childhood.
I was raised a sheltered, over-protected, only child, who was not allowed to play with other 'non-Witness' children. This rule was mainly because my parents believed that 'bad association spoiled useful habits.' Although it seemed obvious I had not developed any useful habits, I was still forbidden to play with worldly children. My life, was structured, rigid, and quite boring.
I attended bible meetings three times a week. I disliked sitting through those meetings which lasted two hours at a time. I disliked listening to the speakers drone on about the end days, as well as the Great Tribulation. I disliked the idea of a mean, wrathful, punishing, God that was going to destroy me if I did not obey and worship him constantly. This God, seemed incredibly narcissistic and punitive. I was desperate to escape from the religion, though I was truly terrified about what Jehovah would do to me when I left.
I finally left the Witnesses a frightened sinner of just seventeen years old. But I was a live sinner. However, I was unable to see the point of accomplishing anything in my life. After all, the 'end' was due soon, and I was in line, and probably first, to be destroyed.
When I moved to California, I was fortunate to meet a wonderful therapist. After some time working together, I was able to find new meaning in life. With his guidance I orchestrated a complete transformation of my earlier views about the world, as well as about the Witnesses and religion in general. I was able to understand how this programming, by my parents, had affected my ability to function in the world. I discovered I could make my own choices without being terrified of the murdering, egotistical, God, Jehovah. No longer bound by the legacy of my parent's beliefs, suddenly, I could see the world through my own eyes, my own belief system, use my own inate code of ethics.
This was in stark contrast to the morals my parents had imposed upon me, although I have to admit I arrived at many similar ethics as those instilled in me. I played with a lot of worldly people' and, believe it or not, I learned useful habits from them!
I understood, with some disappointment, that I would not live forever. I accepted that no-one lives forever, even with cryogenics! Admittedly, there were some moments in California where I felt that immortality might be optional, depending on how much money one had, or which surgeon one used.
I no longer had to sit through long tirades on Armageddon. Instead, I could chose to attend New-Age lectures, astrology readings, and other previously out of bounds subjects. Fifteen years later, I was a full-fledged comfortable 'sinner."
My life has been changed irrevocably. I was free. I broke all the rules and I lived to tell the tale.
Ella Quent 2010
Recent Comments